“Writing is like talking to yourself”
Wow. It’s been a good few months since I last wrote a blog post. The truth is I had not been managing well. August and September were months from hell. My EUPD was out of control, my Depression was debilitating and I was struggling to stay afloat. You see, when you are continually battling Mental Illnesses you often feel like you have suffered a loss. The loss of the person you once were. More frightening perhaps is when your battle has been so long that you no longer remember who you were before you became ill. I often wonder what would I be feeling right now instead of being overwhelmed by negative thoughts? What would I be thinking right now if food didn’t occupy my mind every minute, every second of every day? Who would I be without these horrible illnesses which are like parasites. Parasites which latch onto me and obliterate any form of happiness, which derail any sense stability and squash any kind of content.
So after a couple of short admissions to the same inpatient unit I had been in before it was suggested that the next step should be supported accommodation. This would allow me to live outside the hospital setting whilst still getting intensive support in a stable environment. In all honesty it was not an easy decision for me to make. I had hoped I would be able to do this on my own and live independently without the need for hospital or supported living. But I had to make a choice and I really did not want to be in and out of hospital any more. So I agreed. In the month leading up to my move things began to improve. I focused all my energy on being well enough to move into supported accommodation and avoid readmission to hospital.
It has been an adjustment. It is hard to get used to the constant footsteps and the murmur of unfamiliar voices. But overall it has been very positive for me. I feel more stable now than I have felt in the last four years and I am really hoping it will continue. Since moving in I have been on holiday with my family and enjoyed a birthday in Barcelona. I have re-applied for university and I am hoping that they will allow me to start my studies again. I have also been going to a supported work placement for people with Mental Illness or Brain Injury. I really enjoy working there and it is giving me the confidence to go back to work and/or university. So overall things are good, there have been some big changes in my life that I hope will allow me to recover fully and get my life back on track.
Take care guys