“Work hard for what you want because it won’t come to you without a fight.”
A year ago I was in hospital, a year ago I was sectioned under the Mental Health Act, a year ago I could not keep myself safe, a year ago I was miserable and a year ago I was engulfed by Anorexia. Today I am out of hospital, today I am no longer sectioned, today I can keep myself safe, today I am content and today I am fighting.
Wow, it’s been a quick few weeks. I started back at university after a two year break and it is safe to say it has been a tough two weeks. I went from virtually doing nothing to suddenly being in third year of a Law degree and it has not been an easy adjustment. Going back to university was never going to be easy so I know I am going to have to push myself to stick it out. I will not lie and say the thought of dropping out has not already hit me. The negative thoughts come thick and fast, bombarding me with feelings of unworthiness. But the negative thoughts are just that – thoughts – and I alone have the power to fight them. Fighting the thoughts makes me stronger and I have learnt that I need to believe in myself. I may not be the cleverest in my class or get the highest marks but that is OK. It is OK not to be the best whatever my head tells me.
Being back at university is improving my Mental Health by giving me a focus and an end goal. When I was doing nothing, I had time to wallow in self-pity but now I’m keeping myself busy and it feels so good. I’m trying hard to make this work as I am enjoying my course – it is just a lot more work than I anticipated. I forgot how intense Law is and the amount of reading I have to do is phenomenal. But I am determined to keep going and keep fighting. Unfortunately, the stress of university has meant that my Eating Disorder has tried to worm its way back in again. But I know the warning signs now and I know how to fight back. I point blank refuse to relapse because that road only leads to hospital and I am not going back.
Battling Mental Illness and studying a Law degree is so tough but I know I can and I will do this. I want to make people proud but I also want to make myself proud. I am sick and tired of Mental Illness ruining my life. It is time to take control back and not allow my illnesses to jeopardise this opportunity for me. I refuse to let it beat me. I am stronger than the thoughts in my head. I think I am finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Take care guys
One thought on “Back to University I go”
Good for you, Jenny. You ARE stronger than the thoughts in your head. It will be hard, I’m sure, but you can push through, simply because you’re telling yourself you can. That alone makes the journey worth it. Best of luck to you.